March 19

4 Realities For The Older Single Woman Who Desires Love

Being an older single woman is more common these days than ever. Many women pursue their careers and find love in their later years. It is expected that some women won’t find love and that is okay. This article is for you if you are a single woman in your 30s, 40s or 50s and desire to find love. Many older single women desire love but are not willing to face the realities that come with it.

The truth is that women are finding love in their later years. Don’t believe the lie that you cannot find love because you are now in your 30s, 40s or even 50s. My former boss married his wife on her 50th birthday. She was never married. What you believe will determine what you experience.

That being said, there are some realities you must face as an older single woman. What are they and how do you navigate them? Let me share some of them with you.

4 Realities of Finding Love as an Older Woman

  1. You are likely to meet men who were married before the older you get. This doesn’t mean you cannot meet a man who has never been married. You can and if that is your desire, please be expectant that you can. If God has told you your husband has never been married, believe Him. Take Him at His word and stay expectant. But it is also true that the older you get, the older the men you meet. Accepting this reality opens you up to a wider pool of men. Don’t let cultural and societal tongue-wagging hold you back from experiencing the love you desire. People will talk but what they say is none of your business.
  2. You may end up having a blended family and becoming a stepmom. If you are meeting men who have been married, they are likely to have children. This automatically gives you children, even if you still want to have yours. Rather than seeing a man with children as off-limits, see what you gain from it. Are there dynamics and relationships to be built from this scenario? Yes, there are but you are capable and up to the task. Many women before you have navigated this transition with love, grace and wisdom and so can you. If God through love brought us into His family and you are His daughter, you can bring children into your family.
  3. This leads me to the next reality; children and whether you may have any. The older we get as women, the less likely we are to have children biologically. Science tells us that we have an internal biological clock and it is ticking towards menopause. This is a reality and one you must be willing to stare straight in the eyes. There is no point burying your head in the sand. So, my earlier point about being open to a man who gives you the joy of motherhood through his children is valid. But let me now tell you the truth based on God’s word. Moses in the Bible was 120 years old and yet his eyes didn’t grow dim with age nor did his body lose vigour. Sarah had Isaac at the age of 90 years old. You get to determine what your body decides to do by what you believe.
  4. The longer you are single and depending on your relationship with your married friends, you may experience this next reality. Married people might not know how to include you in social functions, especially kids’ parties. it is not wickedness. Their reality and yours aren’t the same and they now have competing priorities. From inviting friends they met at antenatal classes to children from their child’s class at school. It’s not personal, they have those priorities and affiliations now. Rather than see it as a slight, recognise the change in their lives and extend them grace. When you get to that point in your life, it’ll make more sense to you.

And finally, to the reality that most of us never talk about.

You may never experience love and marriage.

This is an area most of us bury our heads in the sand about. Yet, in our quiet moments, we rail at God and blame Him for our lack of love and marriage. Or we question our looks and worth and always find them lacking. They must be the reason why you are single.

Rather than do that, I want to proffer an alternative. Live. Yes, you read that right. LIVE. Most older single women go through the motions but often aren’t living. They are surviving but not thriving. The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 7 that the single woman can give herself more to the things of God. This isn’t only serving in church but fulfilling God’s purpose for her life.

If you are in your 40s and 50s reading this, I want you to please hear me. I am not saying you cannot find love or get married. But let us put that aside for a moment. How are you living at the moment? What desires have you put on hold because you are unmarried? Which child(ren) could have experienced the love of a mother but haven’t because you won’t dare think of adoption? Which communities haven’t yet experienced the gifts you carry within you because all you think about is being single?

Today, I am extending an invitation to you. With this invitation, you get a gift. That gift is you. You living fully and purposefully. God desires and expects it of you. Those niggling thoughts in your mind that tell you there is more for you that won’t go away. They are waiting for you to live. So, what will it be?

Are you ready to live your life to the full, marriage or not?

PS: This conversation is happening in many rooms. Watch THIS VIDEO to hear the reality of mature single women.


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