May 27

Do you want to be a Therapist or Wife?

Before you close the page, give me a second as I promise it will be worth it. Especially if you aren’t clear the difference between a therapist or wife when it comes to relationships.

I had a baby boy over a year ago and have been his primary caregiver most of the time. For the first six months, I literally went everywhere with him. If I went out, I was on a three to four hours window before I had to be home.

He refused to take a bottle so I was constantly breastfeeding him. I was so glad when he turned 6 months, started weaning and I started to get a break.

Being his milk production factory on tap, we developed a close bond. There were days where he would reject everyone else and seek me out. It was cute and all, but there were times when it was just plain exhausting.

As much as possible, my husband and I tried to take turns caring for him so he was less dependent on me. We also gave him times with family and friends so he knew his world didn’t revolve around me alone.

Here’s the thing; being a parent to a new born baby who can’t do anything for himself or herself is expected. There are activities your baby won’t be able to do for themselves and you have no choice but help them do it.

However, doing the same for a fully grown man is not acceptable yet as women, that’s what we tend to do, especially for men we like.

We take on the role of primary caregiver to broken men who really need a therapist and not a wife. Yet, the role of therapist is nothing like the role of wife and partner and there is a reason why; their responsibilities are so different.

A therapist help patients work through their issues. On the other hand, a wife is to support her husband to be his best. A good therapist will have a clear recovery plan for their patient. A wife, not so much.

If you have never been in close proximity with a man who needs to grow up and get his act together, I can tell you that it is exhausting. It is draining and not what any woman should be signing up for. In addition, it will stunt your growth, make you bitter and distract you from the more important things in life .

Something you must be clear on if you are going into a relationship is this; he must have his act together first or be working through his issues before you commit to taking things deeper with him.

It is not your responsibility to parent or fix him into his healing, growth and maturity.

That is all his.

A man who won’t do that is a man who should sit on the curb till he is ready. As a woman waiting gracefully, who is growing and becoming who she is meant to be, you certainly don’t want to be lumbered with that kind of responsibility.

Many women have regretted being tied down to such men. They’ve ended up in challenging marriages, become frustrated, wasted months and years with men they should never have been with, thereby stretching out their single season unnecessarily.

But that won’t be you now you have read this blog post. When you notice yourself going into mothering and fixer mode, hopefully you will remember the impact of doing such and pull yourself back.

You deserve a man who is growing and maturing, as you are. Don’t settle for less just so you can be in a relationship and married.


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