One thing I learnt after I met my husband was his desire for children. He mentioned it at a time when we weren’t even dating but for some reason, it stuck in my mind. I guess subconsciously, my spirit knew I would be marrying him even though at the time, there wasn’t more than a friendship between us. Little did I know we would go on a journey of trying to conceive together. Pregnancy and conception were the last thing on my mind at that time.
When we started courting and talking about our future, the subject of kids came up and he said he wanted children which I did too, but he wanted them straight away. This wasn’t what I had expected; I remember saying to him that I had always thought that I would have some time with my husband before the kids showed up. It was just this dream I’d had for years. It just seemed alluring and the ideal way to start marriage to me. For me, the ideal period was two years but hubby dearest wasn’t keen to wait that long. Plus, we both weren’t spring chickens anymore.
So, we came to a compromise. We would wait for six months before we would start trying to have a baby. So, I went on the pill before the wedding and started life with the man God kept for me. As the months went by, the conversation about children came up. Hubby wanted to know when we would start trying to have a baby. Sometimes, I avoided the conversation. Other times, I reminded him we had an agreement and we would start after six months. But with each conversation, the more anxious I became.
You see, we had started off married life with some debts and were paying them off. So, the idea of the cost of a baby just didn’t add up with where we were financially. At least, that was part of what was causing my anxiety. Also, once children came on the scene, life would never be the same again and I was really just getting into enjoying this thing called marriage. I remember chatting with my sister about my fears and she said that no matter how many years we were married for, I would never be fully ready for children. She said “you just have to do it.”
So, I started to warm up to the idea of being pregnant and having children. I am not even sure I really prayed about it per se. it was just one of those things that came up in my heart and I didn’t hide from God (like you can hide anything from God). I guess God also knew that I needed a conversation with Him so He set me up on one fateful day in August 2016. It was our god daughter’s baby dedication and we weren’t in our home church. I can’t even really remember the message but it was something about circumstances and trusting God.
And in the midst of the sermon, I felt God begin to speak to me. The conversation went along the lines of “what are you afraid of? You know that the pill you are taking is a safety net. You are using the pill as a safety net. Will you trust me?” I literally broke down as He spoke because He was right, as He always is. The pill had become my safety net. It was so bad that the pill was right next to my bedside with a glass of water so that I didn’t miss a day. I just couldn’t imagine how life would pan out yet at the same time I knew He was God and could sort us out. I wept and wept as the sermon went on but accepted that it was time to trust God.
The next day, I woke up and didn’t take the pill. It was time to trust God and how else was I going to show I trusted Him if I didn’t remove the thing I had put my trust in? And so, the journey began. Boy, little did I know what was to come! I naively assumed that since He’d asked me to trust Him, it meant I was going to get pregnant straightaway. Well that didn’t happen. the pregnancy kit showed I most certainly wasn’t pregnant. With each month, my period showed up with accuracy and regularity. Then in November 2016, whilst hubby was away, things got switched up.