We all get to that stage. The wedding invitations start coming in. Your friends are getting married. Initially it is exciting; who doesn’t like a good wedding party? Then as the months and years pass by, without your own wedding in sight, you start going through a yoyo of emotions.
You want to be happy for them but your own unmarried state stares you glaringly in the face. As it does, that all too familiar phrase, “when will it be my turn?” rises up within you. You question your beauty, worth, character and anything else you think may be holding you back from snagging the right man for you. Sound familiar?
In time, you start to dread the invites as they become a not so subtle reminder that you are still here; unmarried. You psyche yourself up to attend the next wedding. You don’t want your friend to think you aren’t happy for her, even though you would gladly stay at home and not have to deal with the pressure and emotions that come from attending another wedding.
When you are in a group of friends who are unmarried, it is easy to cope. It becomes harder as the group starts to shrink and you are the last man standing or one of the last. That’s where I found myself on my journey to marriage. I had less unmarried friends as I got older.
How did I cope with my friends getting married?
- I made peace with where I found myself. I became free when I accepted we all had different paths in life. It freed me from the pain and pressure that we face when we encounter this experience.
- This led me to a place where I was happy for my friends as they went on their own path. I supported and celebrated them as they started their married lives.
- I also had hope; if it could happen for my friends, then it most certainly could happen for me.
- I chose to continue building those friendships within the new boundaries of their marriage. My friends weren’t always going to be free as before and that was fine. I worked with what they gave me.
- Finally, I made new friends and stepped into new experiences.
This phase does not have to be hard. It can be a beautiful opportunity for you to grow and evolve as you go on your journey to marriage. I know it is hard to see that right now but I hope that reading my experience has shown you that your friends getting married is a gift. The gift of joy, when you celebrate with them and the gift of growth, as you embrace this new level.
If there was one thing you could do today, which of the points I have listed would you pick?
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