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June 3

I don’t want to have sex before marriage; what do I do?!

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Your marriage destiny is too important not to take a stand about premarital sex

Let’s talk about sex baby! If you don’t know where that line is from, please kneel down next time to greet me 😂😂 (just joking!) But seriously, can we talk about sex? Or more importantly, can we talk about how to avoid having sex as a singleton? Maybe you’ve been thinking “I don’t want to have sex before marriage; what do I do?” Here’s some practical help.

This isn’t coming from a perfect woman who was a virgin on her wedding night. If I have never said it before, let me say it now so you know. I was not a virgin. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get to the heart of the matter.

Premarital sex is a no-no. God said it. That’s what it is. So, how do we then avoid having sex and stay on this path that God has called us to? Here are a few things to help:

  1. Make a quality decision about your purity and not having sex before marriage. See if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. It’s best to make this decision before you meet the man and are already grounded in your decision.
  2. Be accountable. Find someone of godly character who will keep you accountable.
  3. When you meet that special someone, have an adult conversation about premarital sex. None of this business of assuming that they will know or understand. The reason we feel pressured about sex in relationships is because we didn’t have an adult conversation about it. You are not a child anymore, be an adult about it.
  4. Set boundaries. What kind of boundaries? No sleepovers (not even if you are getting married to each other). No hanging out in isolation. Go out to public places. Have a chaperone if you are going to visit each other at home. No heavy petting (that’s like playing with fire at a fuel station). Avoid risqué clothing that will stimulate sexual arousal (you have your entire marriage for that).
  5. Ask the Holy Spirit to constantly guide you. Even though I have listed some boundaries, He knows you better than I do. He knows what you will and can do. Tell Him to show you what to do.

This isn’t an exhaustive list but one to get you started. And by the way, the guy doesn’t need to test the goods before buying. If he wants to, even if he is a Christian brother you met in church, tell him to keep it walking. You deserve a man that will honour your decision to stay pure, not one that can’t control his affections. Self control is a fruit of the Spirit. Let him put a ring on it first.


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  1. Thank you ma’am. Its hard though,lol. But we keep moving. Friday nights are my hardest. I just get a random Whatsapp message “movies tonight”? My neighbour. But I know what’s up. I don’t have a TV yet but I summon the last strength to say no,thanks. Sometimes I want to be held,cuddled and maybe kissed. But last last,I may not be able to control how far I will go. Lemme jeje listen to music and sleep. God will provide for TV soon. Lol. Thanks ma’am. You’re an inspiration anytime. Waiting for this season to pass o.

    1. Please my dear sister, you deserve better. He didn’t even say, dinner at a five star restaurant (and even then, the answer is still no thank you). Don’t let him use that line on you anymore. In time, he will get the point. And rather than just wait for the season to pass, why don’t you actively enjoy the season. There are good, fun things you can do on Friday nights. That way, you aren’t home or idle for him to text you that line.

  2. Wowwwwww this is an amazing write up. The last paragraph just happened to me. Telling him to keep walking is soooooo hard

    1. It isn’t easy but I encourage you to think about the great marriage that you desire as incentive to tell him to keep walking.

  3. very True.Just in case,one makes a mistake and it may not be sex but a sexual act that is done;such a one,can go back to God in prayer and ask for forgiveness and continue doing the right thing

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