July 12

Question and answer session – 070719


I don’t know what possessed me but I posted on my Instagram stories for people to ask me any question this past weekend. Basically, it was a question and answer session on relationships. Well, the questions sure came in and some of them tested me. At one point, I actually said to myself in my native tongue “who sent me?” But I realised that people have genuine questions so I may be doing these question and answer session more often.

This was me before the questions started challenging me. Joking!

Here are my responses. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Q: Were you ever afraid of never getting married?

A: Most definitely! I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. There were days when the fear would grip me but I learnt to tell my fears that God was faithful to His Word and I would get married. I am married today.

Q: Is marrying a Catholic going to reduce my spiritual growth?

A: It’s less about a denominational title and more about his relationship with God. Is he actively seeking God? What’s the fruit of his life like? Is Jesus the Lord of his life? Has God given the go ahead to the relationship? There are some people in the Catholic church who are more spiritual than some pastors so don’t get it twisted! It’s about their personal relationship with God and if the relationship is drawing you into God. If a relationship with someone (Pentecostal, Baptist, Catholic, Anglican etc) is drawing you away from God, you are on a slippery slope.

Q: Is it okay to masturbate as a man just because one doesn’t want to fornicate around?

A: Let’s first understand what masturbation is – it is satisfying your sexual desire by yourself. God’s design is that sexual desire should only be satisfied within the confines of marriage, anything outside is a sin. I personally think of masturbation as fornicating on your own. You can’t use one sin to overcome another. So, rather than look for an outlet for the desire, how about asking the Holy Spirit to help you have the self-control to manage those desires? Plus, when you learn self-control as a single person, you are less likely to commit adultery after marriage.

Q: Do you advice long distance relationship for people who haven’t seen each other for the first time?

A: Long distance relationships are not for everyone. I think I need to say that first. There’s a lot that goes into maintaining a long distance relationship and sadly, not everyone has what it takes. Now, if you haven’t seen the person before, I would suggest planning how you will see them. Why do I suggest this? So, you can see them in their own environment. Everyone sounds great on the phone and WhatsApp but face time reveals a lot more.

You may not know they have an anger problem until a waiter at a restaurant spills something on them. Interaction builds relationships. That includes face to face interaction. Be prepared to spend the money on transportation to see them regularly, if you are going to do long distance. By the way, you shouldn’t be sleeping over at theirs when you plan your time together. Don’t create the avenue for sex to creep in.  

Q: How can you make your spouse be affectionate and loving towards you?

A: The truth is that you can’t “make” anyone do anything. They have to want to do it themselves. That being said, the bible says “And now let me speak the wives. Be devoted to your own husbands, so that even if some of them do not obey the Word of God, your kind conduct may win them over without you saying a thing. For when they observe your pure, godly life before God, it will impact them deeply.” 1 Peter 3:1-2 TPT.

When you start to change, they will change. The work starts with you. What does that mean practically? Start doing some of the things your spouse has mentioned they like. It shows them you are paying attention and will probably win them over.

Do you have a question about your relationship or marriage? Do you need clarity on the way forward? Why don’t you book to work with me today? I’d love to help you!


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