September 28

Should I date my ex again?


It’s a question I’ve gotten in the past. “Should I date my ex again? He has come back and wants to be in a relationship again.”

I’ve been there. It can be tempting. I remember this experience I had. The guy wasn’t my ex but with the “situationship” we had been in, it felt like he had been my boyfriend. The relationship had all the makings of a relationship without the commitment.

When things went south, it hurt. Many months later, he reached out and still being single, we reconnected. I should have known better.

From that experience and working with many women over the years, here are 3 things I need you to consider with an ex.

You don’t have to go back

I know, I know. You are single and so is he. Just because you are single and your ex is single doesn’t mean you should both get back together. Getting back together goes beyond being single. There is a reason why you are exes in the first instance. What has changed?

Do you still have feelings?

Before you say, but I know him and want to give things another shot, here is a question for you. You have to ask yourself, “Do I still want to be with this person?” You may have liked your ex at some point. But since you’ve both had time away from each other, you may have moved on from those feelings. Ask yourself, “Do I still want to be with this person?” and be honest with yourself. Being together can’t be because you are both single and have a history together.

Deal with what caused your breakup

That leads me to the 3rd and final point. Why did you break up? What caused both of you to part ways in the first place? This is important if you don’t want to be heartbroken all over again. Ignoring why you broke up is a recipe for future pain and frustration. Deal with what caused the breakup. Address the elephant in the room. If you need a professional or trained person to help, do so.

Getting back with an ex isn’t impossible but if you are going to make it work, you have to do things differently.

What are you going to do differently?

For the relationship to work, you can’t get back into how things were before. You have to chart a path of success. The requires both of you to sit down and discuss what you are going to do to make it work this time. This will be unique to your relationship. What caused the breakup in the first place is a good starting point for where to do things in a different way. Cover the basics at the very least and work towards a common goal; the relationship you both want.

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