July 2

Who Makes The Decisions – The Folks or Us?


It was November 2012. I had been single for a while so when my friend introduced me to him, I was hopeful. We clicked instantly. Why wouldn’t we? He was charming, attractive, well spoken. The clincher? When we finished speaking, he asked if he could say a prayer before we went to bed. Be still my beating heart! The next day, he called me and the day after that, and the day after that. So, we started this journey of discovering each other. We were thousands of miles apart but that didn’t matter. Time and distance seemed to fade. I forgot my vow of not getting into a long-distance relationship.

We made plans. He was coming to the UK the next month and we were going to spend time together. I could hardly wait for him to get into town. Each day, I counted down when he would arrive. December came. It was the day of his birthday and we literally spent most of the day chatting and talking. By this time, I had prayed to God about him and I was convinced he was my husband. I just had this settled feeling in my heart about him.

As we caught up that night, he dropped the bombshell. His parents didn’t think I was his wife. They had prayed in their prayer group with other pastors. One of the pastors said that if we got married, things would start great and then end badly. What? How?! What were they talking about?! This couldn’t be happening. How were his parents even involved?

I asked him what he thought of what they said. He said he didn’t think his parents would lead him astray. I asked him “but what do you think? What has God said to you?” He said he was confused. Confused? After all you’ve been saying to me, you are confused?! He said he needed time to think and get clarity for himself. He came to see me in the UK as we planned and even though we had a good time, it was tainted by what had been said.

I had to go out of town whilst he was around. He said he still needed clarity. He put distance between us so that his interaction with me didn’t influence his decision. That was January 2013. I am not married to him today. You can tell how that turned out. The bible says as I believe, so I speak (2 Corinthians 4:13). I guess he didn’t believe so he didn’t speak.  

In hindsight, I learnt a few lessons from what happened. First, I should have walked away as soon as he said his parents prayed and said I wasn’t his wife. A man that can’t make his own decisions isn’t a man I want to be tied to for the rest of my life. We would be contradicting the word of God in Genesis 2:24 about leaving and cleaving. We would never make decisions as a unit but always have the parents involved in our business.  

Second, I learnt that sometimes, we will not be on the same spiritual wavelength as other people. We have all been on different journeys that have caused us to grow as individuals. God actually said to me afterwards that I knew Him but my love interest knew of Him. They are two different things. So even though I knew God and was used to hearing His voice, my love interest was still on a journey and hadn’t learnt to hear God for himself. I also learnt that immaturity in a man was unattractive to me. Maybe this is why I kept asking God to let me marry an older man which I did in the end.

There are always tell-tale signs of what life will be like with someone. The challenge is many of us ignore the signs and still go ahead with the relationships. Then we complain afterwards that God didn’t protect us or help us. He was showing us signs, we just didn’t listen to Him. The signs were there for me to see. We would not be able to make family decisions without external input. We would not be leaving father and mother to cleave to each other.

I look back now and I am grateful that it didn’t work. I am not sure who would have been making the decisions in our home. 



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  1. Waow this is a mind blowing piece… You are right… But what if he had gone against his parent’s wish by ignoring their view and getting married to you would u have accepted knowing the fact that they said things won’t go well with you two at the end? Pls MA need a reply cos am in a relationship atm and I stumbled on his msg where he had a chat with his sister and she said something like ‘mummy said she saw it again (I guess her dreams) be very careful o she said it involves life and death, she said the person is always around you’.the sister went ahead to ask if it’s me or there is someone else… His reply was that we were not together at that point cos we had a little misunderstanding. I feel in a way he avoided fingers pointing at me but despite that I still feel since his mind has been arrowed to such he might be having a second thought about me.. Besides he hasn’t told me. Pls MA need ur Godly advise as a big sis on this.

  2. Hmmnn… Interesting! It’s true what you wrote. We ignore and just go ahead… After its been all said and done, we can’t turn back the hands of the clock. We just keep asking for grace…

    So many thoughts in my head on this, but they are not quite coherent yet, so I can’t give expressions to them yet…

    Anyways, thanks it was an interesting read.

    1. Thanks Adeola for commenting. We certainly ask for grace and mercy once we have gone ahead without heeding the warning signs.

  3. Thank you for sharing. It was an interesting read. The part that got me was “your ex-love interest was still on a journey of knowing God for himself” that alone in recent times has made me alter my request to God concerning the spirituality of my future love interest. Not that I am perfect or I have my relationship with God all figured out but I had an experience recently where I came across a scripture (mark 5:32-37) during my study where God used the word “ephphatha”. It was so apt for the situation at hand so I shared it with my love interest out of joy/excitement but the reaction was just like a shrug, like okay. Immediately, all my excitement jumped out the window.

  4. Mmmmm so interesting!!! You have hit the nail on the head am blessed by this write up…
    reminded me of some old boyfriend of mine..he simply sent a text and told me his “brothers” were not in favor of me..kikikik I remember cry myself a drum..and you know what signs were very much showing but I just couldn’t let it be…after reading your article boooom it’s all clear now..how great full I am for that experience..I should learn to listen to God more and more!!!
    Thank you love and may God bless you more

  5. Thank you for this post.Exactly my experience 10 years ago that led to a broken engagement.Still waiting for a mature partner ,seriously!
    Immaturity is one trait I cannot stand.

    P.S..besides the Word of God, I honestly go back to your timeline and re-read the articles that resonates with my situation.And I get encouraged.I like the fact that you give practical examples that you went through and it proves that you are a living testimonym,that Indeed God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly…

  6. Very very true, we see the signs, hear the signs and know the signs but our feelings don’t let our heart take the right decision, hopefully I personally learn from this story, am in one right now and still find it difficult to let go, looking forward to the day I will boldly share my testimony with good results with you, thank you for always using your past stories as examples….God bless you!

  7. Hello Bunmi,

    I’ve been a follower of yours on Instagram then stumbled across your post on God’s wonder. Well let’s say I’ve caught the bug and here I am reading up on older posts.

    Thank you for the insight, often times we see these signs and let our love interests take over. For a 30+ single lady, I almost fell into that desperation. Let’s thank God for His grace and for those godly friends standing over us in prayer and faith.

    And most importantly, not letting our consciences die! Behold he talks to us in a still small voice.

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