September 25

Why Choosing a Spouse by committee is a bad idea

Choosing a spouse by committee is a bad idea

Choosing a spouse is a big deal. Calling a committee to help you with that decision is a bad idea. As much as you want to be sure that you are not making the wrong choice, calling loads of people for advice isn’t great.

I am not saying this to spoil your relationships but I want something better for you; confidence.

You must be confident in your decision-making, especially in this area of your life.

When you abdicate your decision to others, you give up your ownership of your future.

There’s a quote that I love that helps to explain what I mean.  This is your world, shape it or someone else will ~ Gary Lew

When you turn to many people to help you in choosing a life partner, you are letting someone else shape your world.

As much as the intent was good, it was a bad idea and one that you must stop, if you are currently doing.

Here’s why you shouldn’t put such a decision to a committee.

  • They don’t know all that would make you compatible with the guy. They might be your closest friend or even your parent but do they know EVERYTHING about you? Guess who does? You.
  • They have blocks and experiences that you don’t have. Those blockers can show up in the way they view men and marriage. When you ask them to confirm if this person is the right one for you, you are opening yourself up to their blockers. You might not have those blockers and not want to take them on.
  • They won’t live with the person for the rest of their lives. As much as you won’t reassurance, your mum, sister or friend will not live with the person day in, day out. You will and want to be sure that you can live with the person.

If you can’t decide by committee, what should you do?

  • Build your intimacy with God so that His Holy Spirit leads and guides you in all that you do. It is a lot easier for the Holy Spirit to tell you if someone is good for you if you are used to Him leading you daily.
  • Grow your intimacy with yourself so that you know who you are and whom you need. The more you grow in self-awareness, the more you can tell who works best for you.
  • Be clear on the qualities you need in a spouse. Marriage is about compatible qualities and there are loads of men who are compatible with you. But you must know what those compatible qualities are. The Holy Spirit can show what those qualities are but if you don’t have a relationship with Him…
  • If you are going to ask anyone for their opinion, and it must be an opinion, they must be able to give wise counsel. Their fruit, whether through their words, actions or marriage, should show that they are wise in this area. If not, let’s leave them out of this conversation, okay?

Choosing a life partner is an important one and should be treated as such.

If you want to learn how to do so, then my Waiting Gracefully Program can help you do that. Click HERE to learn more.


Kingdom relationships, Relationships

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